So clearly you can see that our calendars are far different than yours.  I realized that you wouldn't know that May 27 to the average person is actually June 10 to Colt and Tum Tum.  We apparently needed 2 extra weeks to recover from our Vegas excursion than we expected, but now we're back and are almost in full force again. 

While we've been gone Jessica Alba had a baby named Honor, which suggests she and Cash Warren went to the Bruce and Demi School of Baby Naming; Amy Winehouse proved what a mess she is with a few racial slurs thrown into her constant drunken debaucheriness; and Sharon Stone pissed off China, which then banned her films from appearing in the country.  I don't think it should be too hard to ban a Sharon Stone movie since, ya know, it's no longer 1993. 

We've also found a new way to catch up with Jessi Spano, er, Elizabeth Berkley with her website ask-elizabeth.com.  I was able to peruse the site for a few minutes and couldn't quite figure out how to do anything other than float some little fairy around the screen.  If regular people like us can get questions answered by Berkley, then I might have an idea for the first ever RockyLovesEmily contest.  Stay tuned.

Oh, and welcome us back, damnit!

The men of RLE.com will be in Vegas for the weekend.  Except juicy stories upon our return. 

In the meantime, read something educational. Perhaps an encyclopedia.  We'll be back to destroy your brain cells on May 27th. 

As predicted here last week, David won American Idol. 

Sure, we may have picked Archuleta last night, but we weren't too far off, right?

Even though this may have been the closest top two competition I've seen in a while, I thought it was possibly the least interesting.  I think the consensus is that both singers aren't quite the total package to become a successful musician.  David Cook tries to mix up his songs, but when he does so he shows his lack of range.  Archuleta, on the other hand, doesn't even attempt to show his range, but has a quality voice.  Both lack charisma and stage presence, so they won't win fans over that way. 

The saddest part in all of this is Archuleta is probably being beaten in a woodshed somewhere in the mountains right now.  I'm actually surprised we went an entire season without hearing his take on Britney Spears' line of "hit me baby one more time".  It seems so appropriate.

Anyway, to any portion of America who voted and reads this site, I hope you're happy for ruining David Archuleta's life.  Ass.

Everyone likes Shia LaBeouf. And I'm happy to say, that the young star is finally headlining his first film for an adult crowd. This is not an MTV production and Disney had no part in it either. It's about time Shia.

The movie is called Eagle Eye, and the trailer looks very promising. The cast is decent, with Shia, Michelle Monaghan, Rosario Dawson and Billy Bob Thorton. And with DJ Caruso behind the direction, this has got to be mediocre at worst. I actually like DJ's last few movies, with Disturbia and Two for the Money.

But don't take my word for it. Check out the BRAND NEW TRAILER that went up today! Or, if you'd like, don't bother with this movie and go see the most hyped filmed this summer, seen below...

Mark your calendars for 9/26/08.  The most anticipated movie of the year will be coming to theaters across America.  Make sure you see this film.  This film will be good. 

I'm oozing with enthusiasm about this film about chihuahuas in Beverly Hills.  I hope to God that this movie was created during the writers' strike and that this isn't actually the idea of Hollywood's finest talent. 

 

Tonight was the top 2! Finally! After a season full of high hopes shattered and the wrong people getting voted off, it came down to the two Davids. And after tonight, I really do think the top two deserved to be there.

Each David sang three songs. Here is the breakdown:

David Cook #1: He sang a U2 song. Automatic bad song choice.

David Archuleta #1: Sticking with the pop song theme with Elton John, he didn't blow me away, but it was good.

David Cook #2: Again, he tried rocking out. His voice sounded better this time around, but I was still trying to get over the U2 choice from earlier.

David Archuleta #2: The kid may be young, but he is smart. He knows that he can't out perform Cook, so what does he do? He out sings the guy. D-Arch (this will hopefully be the name of his hip-hop album that he will release after winning the competition) showed off his mad vocal skills like a true playa yo!

David Cook #3: I actually liked this decision to end on a softer song. The judges didn't like it, but I was getting tired of his rock thing. And he also cried at the end of his performance. Baby.

David Archuleta #3: He may have sealed the competition with Imagine again. The first time he sang this song, he made a name for himself. The second time he sang the song, he may have made one million dollars.


This is a tight competition this year. I don't think this is an easy pick by any means. However, I do think Archuleta will win. Only because his last performance on tonight's show was as close to flawless as you can get.

Tune in tomorrow to see who the next American Idol is....

This isn't a bad idea actually. Letting the fans decide what songs to perform at a concert is a great idea. Janet announced today that she is going on tour this year.

"[Janet] took advantage of her guest spot on The Ellen DeGeneres Show Monday morning to formally announce she will hit the road this fall."

She does have a new cd out, which will be the main focus of the tour, but she is trying something different with the old classics:

"Jackson will also play classics from her previous albums as chosen by the fans. She has even set up a special phone number (323-622-8139) for fans to call in and make special requests, leave her a message or feedback or eavesdrop on messages already left by fans."

The only reason I would call that number would be to request 'Scream' with Janet and Michael, just to see Michael in concert. And if you just scoffed at that idea, you're only lying to yourself. It's every little boys music fans dream to see Michael Jackson in bed concert.


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New This Week
There's only one new movie in wide release this weekend, and that's The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian.  I have no clue what the movies about other than a talking lion and a prince named Caspian.  The movie is the second in a series based on books, which doesn't help me out since I'm strictly a magazine reader.  Wake me when someone comes out with People: The Movie. 

Power Rankings

1. Iron Man--I had this movie at number one before I saw it and I certainly can't knock it down at all now that I've seen it.  This movie was actually able to get me excited for the latest Incredible Hulk movie, and that's saying something.  (Last week: 1)

2. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian--I never saw the first movie and I'll never see this one, but it's going to be own the box office this weekend.  (LW:No Rating)
 
3. What Happens in Vegas--This Kutcher/Diaz comedy gets an extended look at the top of our rankings thanks to an upcoming RLE.com Vegas trip. (LW: 2)

4.  Baby Mama--Top comedy on this list without a doubt.  If Narnia isn't your thing, check out this movie that you probably overlooked.  (LW: 3)

5.  Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay--A week movie crop will be pushed from this list starting Memorial Day.  Check out this stoner comedy if Narnia isn't your thing, you already saw Baby Mama and you're stoned.  On second thought, see Narnia if you're stoned. (LW: 5)

6. Made of Honor--This chick flick will get a few estrogeny viewers until Sex and the City comes out.  (LW: 6)

7. The Forbidden Kingdom--Still just ass-kicking Asians.  (LW: 7)

8. Speed Racer--Emile Hirsch usually makes wise decisions, but for some reason he attached himself to this garbage.  Considering Hirsch really hasn't made any other miscues in his career so far, I'm willing to forgive and forget.  (LW: 4)

9. Forgetting Sarah Marshall--This unfunny comedy had way too much weiner for my liking, but Mila Kunis and Kristen Bell almost made the movie worth watching.  (LW: 8)

Out: 88 Minutes

After killing the Super Bowl hopes of Cowboys fans, Jessica Simpson appears to finally be hopping off the bad karma train.  After the rumors started swirling earlier this week, several media outlets are now officially reporting that Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson have broken up. 

Tears of joy are streaming down my face.

I'm not sure what happened, but I'm assuming Tony finally realized that there are other girls who have gigantic breasts who aren't completely vapid.  Then he probably realized that he's the star quarterback of the most popular team in the NFL and thought, "Hey, I'm going to pursue other breasts". 

I'm not sure how broken up Jessica will be over this ordeal, but I can guarantee you this hurts Joe Simpson a whole lot more.  To keep his cash cow in the spotlight, I would expect a deal with Playboy in the next 12-16 months.  Except instead of actually letting Playboy profit off his daughter, Joe will probably take his own naked pictures of his daughter and sell them at some magazine stand in Manhattan. 

As predicted here last night, the slightly attractive black girl that appeared on last night's episode of Idol was given one more chance to sing before she was plucked off stage. 

This was probably the least suspenseful Idol final three I ever saw.  There was really no reason we ever should have been subjected to the other 59 minutes of the show this week because everyone knew Syesha had no chance.  As the judges said before, she seems best suited for Broadway.  I actually think she has more overall potential than the two David's, but there's absolutely no way she could outsell them in terms of album sales.

Next week, our Idol journey comes to an end with a David vs. David competition.  I'm going to be bold and make a prediction that David wins this whole thing.  David has shown a lot of skills this season, and I can't wait to see him bring home the title.  Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but congratulations, David, on a season well done.

American Idol is close to announcing the winner with the first round of the final two performances going on tonight.  Oddly enough, some mildly attractive black girl kept singing between the two Davids.  I'm not sure what she was trying to do, but the producers liked her enough to let her continue to sing through the night.

As is usual around this time on Idol, the contestants each sang three songs.  The first song was chosen by a judge, the second was a personal selection, and the third was chosen by the shows producers.  The judges all tried to challenge the contestants (which was done a degree), the contestants all blew their own song (which was odd), and the producers tried to see if the contestants would be able to sell records (I doubt it).

David Archuleta kicked off each of the rounds, and did an admirable job on rounds one and three; when people choose songs for him, the little David seems like he'll be able to knock them out of the park.  For his song, he chose to sing Chris Brown's "With You", which was odd because David isn't black and the only people who can pull off the lyrics in that song are black and/or are named Justin Timberlake (who's like 1/3 black anyway, right?).  He's lucky that his 13 year old lady fans don't care that he annunciated every lyric in that song and seemed to stumble across words early on (us white guys are a little slow, cut us some slack).  Taking all three songs into consideration, I give Archuleta a B for the night. 

Next up was the black girl who thinks she still has a shot to win.  She didn't seem to be on point at all, whether it was with her performance or her song choice.  The producers tried to give her some up tempo Rihanna, and that didn't work out well at all.  Syesha chose to do a caberet style song for her own selection, and it just seemed odd considering she has to know the judges are looking for marketability and you don't sing a song like that this close to the end unless you're forced to.  Clearly she was having flashbacks to Andrew Lloyd Webber week when the judges said that was her element.  Apparently they should have told her if she wants to win the show, she's gotta sing pop music.  Oops! Grade: C-

David Cook wrapped up each round and seemed to underwhelm me again.  His personal choice was a song by Switchfoot, and I thought he sounded pretty bad actually.  I found it funny though that as the 'resident rocker' of Idol, Cook's chosen to sing songs by Switchfoot and Our Lady Peace.  Um, not exactly the best rock bands out there these days, are they?  I guess he couldn't convince the show to let him sing some Nickelback.  His producer-picked song was Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing".  He sung a very vanilla version of the song until the end when, surprise, he overdid it just to prove he's a rocker.  He doesn't seem to understand that you either are a rocker or you aren't.  You can't just create it.  I give him 5 years before he goes to the Bret Michaels School of Rock and finds some pretty little extensions for his oversized cranium.  Yeah, that's right.  David Cook is about as rockerish as Bret Michaels. For the night, he gets a B-.

So the show continues next week with the final two giving one more performance.  From what I understand, the mildly attractive black lady will not be allowed to go on stage next week as they are beefing up security.  Tune in tomorrow night when they give said lady one final chance to sing before they forcibly remove her from the stage.

 

MSNBC.com - “Saturday Night Live” veteran Jimmy Fallon was officially named on Monday to take Conan O’Brien’s place on NBC next year when O’Brien succeeds Jay Leno as host of “The Tonight Show.”

Seriously, Jimmy for O'Brien?

That's it folks. Late Night television is going to suck after 12:30.  NBC made a horrible mistake here. Now Jimmy Fallon isn't really the type of guy that you can hate. It's not like he has a horrible personality or is overly annoying. He's just not a good late night host.

I sure hope I'm wrong about this, but I can't imagine what Jimmy Fallon has to offer for late night television. He will be laughing at his own monologue jokes every night. And can anyone honestly picture this guy giving good interviews.

But at least NBC can rest assured that they will always beat out ABC and Jimmy Kimmel.

It looks like Daddy Archuleta is gearing up for the next season of I Know My Kid's a Star.  According to MSNBC.com:

Backstage meddling has caught up “American Idol” favorite David Archuleta’s dad, who’s been banned from rehearsals...Jeff Archuleta’s intense backstage involvement had become a source of concern for the series...Despite a warning, Jeff Archuleta insisted on altering “Stand by Me,” one of two songs his son sang on the show Tuesday...By adding a verse from Sean Kingston’s “Beautiful Girls,” the father incurred additional costs for “American Idol,” the person said.

Good job, Mr. Archuleta.  You're one step closer to being the leader of the Jackson clan.  Maybe if you're hard enough on him, innocent little David will get rid of his nose and darken his skin pigmentation. 

I'm not sure that David Archuleta deserves to win, but you almost have to pull for him now.  If he doesn't win his dad will probably take him to the backlot of the Idol studio and beat the hell out of him for disgracing his family.  Stay tuned to see how the show addresses this issue (if at all) tomorrow night when we get to see the bottom three perform three times each.

From both of us here at RockyLovesEmily.com, we wanted to say Happy Mother's Day.

This little girl pretty much sums up what we said to our moms today.

  

In addition to telling you what's new in theaters this week, we're going to try something a little different this time. Welcome to the debut of the RockyLovesEmily Movie Power Rankings.  Each week you can come here and see what movies are hot and what movies are not.  Some of the ranked movies are ones we've seen, and some are blindly ranked based on speculation.  Disagree with our thoughts? Then post your comments and try to get your movies bumped up or down a notch in the next week's rankings.

Note: The rankings will mainly focus on the most recent movies in theaters, but during slow periods of the year, older movies may hold a place in the list.

New this week

The two new movies out this weekend are What Happens in Vegas and Speed Racer.  What Happens in Vegas is a comedy featuring Ashton Kutcher (who's not funny) and Cameron Diaz (who's not funny), which generally means that the movie will be (not funny).  However, the movie was out as a sneak preview last weekend, which, according to Tum Tum's movie theory, means that the movie can't suck too bad.  It's certainly going to be better than watching the talented Emile Hirsch take a giant step backwards in his career by being in Speed Racer. Kids will love the effects and bright colors of the movie, but I'm sure adults will have a hard time watching their childhood memories turned to live action. 

If you have to see a new movie, go for What Happens in Vegas.  And now, onto the rankings...

Power Rankings

1. Iron Man--First huge comic book movie of the year is getting great reviews from the critics. 

2. What Happens in Vegas--Diaz and Kutcher might not be a dream on screen duo for yours truly, but sneak previews on comedies generally mean the movie is worth a few laughs.

3. Baby Mama--Tina Fey brings her usual quirky humor to the big screen; first comedy that I actually laughed in for a while.

4. Speed Racer--Adults will see this for nostalgic reasons; kids will see it because they've been marketed to for months.

5. Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay--Stoner comedy has amusing previews.  Enough said.

6. Made of Honor--Romantic comedy with Patrick Dempsey gets this spot by default.  The summer movie season should knock this out soon enough.

7. The Forbidden Kingdom--Asians who kick ass can be fairly entertaining.

8. Forgetting Sarah Marshall--Somehow this movie was labeled a comedy.  I think I laughed more in Million Dollar Baby.

9. 88 Minutes--Anything with Al Pacino has to make the initial rankings.

We are now exactly 14 days away from the trip. Hopefully we all have a little better luck than Cage did when he visited Sin City, but who knows.

Two weeks from now, there's a decent chance one of our friends will be slurring their words while embarrassingly hitting on women (or men dressed as women). But don't worry RLE.com frequenters, we will take lots of pictures and perhaps share some with you all when we get back.



And remember, if you're interested in sending donations, contact us at coltandtumtum@rockylovesemily.com. Remember, if you do donate, we will of course put $1 on red for you. Thanks.

Not too long ago, we reported that Barbara Walters is/was a skank and was sleeping with another woman's man.  Barbara was a dirty little whore who could have ruined that marriage.  She was a ho and didn't consider the other woman in the relationship. 

I believe all of the above words to describe Barbara are perfectly acceptable to her.  Just don't let her catch you calling her a mistress.

In an interview on Oprah the other day (sorry for the late news, I couldn't find good video) Walters takes offense to Oprah calling her a mistress because she didn't prosper financially from the affair.  So I guess what we learned from Barbara is that she isn't a hooker, because hookers get paid.  I believe Salt n Pepa said it best when they sang "the difference between a hooker and a ho ain't nothing but a fee". 

Barbara.  You a ho.  For shoooo. 

Check out the Huffington Post to see a short clip that picks up right after Oprah calls Barbara a mistress.

So the big Batman news out there is of course Heath Ledger's final performance as the Joker.  What has been overlooked thus far is Aaron Eckhart's portrayal of Harvey Dent.  He will, without a doubt, kick some ass in the movie as Eckhart is a pretty underrated actor.  I, like many of you, was wondering if we'd get to see Dent's transformation into Two Face in the lastest Batman film, and I believe that question has been answered.  If you want to see what Two Face will look like in the lastest movie, click here. << MORE >>

So I'm stealing this idea from TMZ.com, but it's okay because we're friends (as long as they don't deny it it's true, right?).

But here are some of the worst celebrity tatoos ever. Leading off above is Tom Arnold. What a loser.

Enjoy the rest:




 


   Seriously. Loser.

A new study came out that claims that, get ready for this, young people do not get their news information from The Daily Show!.... Gasp!

"A journalism think tank studying “The Daily Show” doesn’t believe many people get their news from Jon Stewart — because otherwise they wouldn’t get the jokes."

A think tank came up with this? Aren't think tanks supposed to be filled with the smartest people in that particular field? Did it really take a think tank to come up with that logic? But of course the absurdity continues:

"The Washington-based organization asked its researchers to study a year’s worth of “The Daily Show” tapes — hardly a grim assignment — after hearing the frequent claim that many young people learn about the world from Stewart instead of more traditional news sources."

That's it? After hearing frequent claims, they went and did a case study? That must have been a small tank.

I'm just glad to hear that this "The Project for Excellence in Journalism" (the think tank Organization) is spending their money on a good case study, and not something that 1. The public doesn't care about and 2. The results of which do not benefit anybody.

If you are a young adult and you do claim to get your news from The Daily Show, then you've got more problems than you think. And you definitely aren't the kind of person to listen to studies done by think tanks that tell you you're a liar. So once again, we see another government run organization spending its money on very useful things.

Also, if one of you out there is in a think tank and are reading this right now, please consider me for part of the tank. Before this, I thought you had to be a genius. Now, I'm pretty sure I could do it.

You know what, I have been hearing a lot about these gas prices upsetting the general public. Maybe we should do a case study on that! Project for Excellence in Journalism - Call me!

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